Attempting optimistic misanthropy

Things to Think About This Weekend

Posted by Hussyville on November 6, 2010

Ben Piette, Masterchef contestant

Image via

Sexy sexy Frenchmen who cook
Masterchef: the Professionals came to an end this week and gave its salivating audience it’s first female winner! Congratulations to Claire Lara! Double mazel tov, in fact, because a little bird tells me that she is in the family way. But the highlight of the series for me was Ben Piette, with his accent, his eyes, his smile, his cheekbones, his sheer goddamn sexiness distracting me from his food. Dammit! I reckon this is why Kate Spicer wasn’t a food critic this series. Also? Claire and Ben should never have been teamed up in the same heat for elimination as they were both so good. Whatshisface who couldn’t serve up a damn dish on time to save his life should never have got within sniffing distance of the final. Team Ben!

Do you have a thirty-year career that you’d like to destroy in under 24 hours? You do? Great! Let me direct your attention to this timeline which you can use as a template when you are ready for your career and reputation to go down in flames and the ground on which they stood be salted so that nothing will ever grow there again. Maybe one day you too can end up like Judith Griggs: roundly condemned, ridiculed and Google-bombed into a neologism. If, on the other hand, you like your career and reputation, just pour yourself a glass of wine and have a laugh at one so-called editor’s rank stupidity as you follow the various link related to the Cooks Source scandal.

Anger for another’s misfortune
Noirin Shirley, a woman I have never met and am not even an internet acquaintance of, was sexually assaulted recently. That is bad enough, but what makes it worse are the pathetic attempts at slut-shaming and justification on her attacker’s behalf by certain commenters at Hacker News and at Reddit. Each and every person who has spouted off about what women should do to protect themselves and how unfair it is that a man’s name is in the public domain would make the world a better place if they put their keyboards down and just read this, again and again and again, until they get it. If you have an spare good karma, make sure you send it Noirin Shirley’s way.

Adorable baby animals
And if that just depresses you to the point that all you want to do is retire to bed with a bottle of whiskey, perhaps these baby otters will manage to raise a smile before you go back to hating humanity. I love otters, both freshwater and sea. Otters are just about the only thing that can cheer me up after I read the brainfarts of misogynistic wankstains in the same weekend that my beloved Leicester Tigers lost a match to <spit!> Quins. If the baby otters can soothe me when I’m in a black mood, maybe they’ll work for you too.


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