Attempting optimistic misanthropy

Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

Dear Brits, Start Fucking

Posted by Hussyville on September 7, 2013

Image by Lynda Sanchez on TwitterTo know what they’re thinking and for occasional amusement, I dip into the right-wing press from time to time. Just the Telegraph and the Spectator, mind; I’m too much of a delicate flower to cope with the Daily Mail. The type of comments that appear below an article will generally be the same: UKIP, immigration, David Cameron’s unsuitability as a political leader, the loss of national sovereignty to the EU, that sort of thing.

When I saw the recent Steerpike article in the Spectator about Vinnie Jones (retired footballer and apparent actor) bemoaning the state of modern Britain, I cackled and had already started playing right-wing comment bingo before I had finished reading the first paragraph. And sure enough, the comments did not disappoint. Readers asserted that Jones was right in his claim that the England he remembers (despite being Welsh) is not English any longer and is now just “European”. Immigration and multiculturalism were to blame, and the country is going to the dogs because of all those foreign folk who are coming over here and doing stuff.

Hi, Brits! I am one of your friendly resident aliens, upping the melanin count and generally preventing the country from returning to the halcyon days when olive oil was strictly for medicinal use and men could beat their wives with impunity. Did I mention that I have taken one of your menfolk out of the dating pool? Don’t worry, he’s coping quite well in captivity.

The problem, if you are concerned that there are too many foreigners in the country, is that there aren’t enough of you indigenous types. Capitalism requires the movement of money and labour, and it appears that even with a couple of million unemployed, you guys still need to import some bodies to get stuff done. The business lobby demands it!

The thing is, Brits, is that you’re not working hard enough to keep the country Anglo-Saxon and prone to sunburn. We immigrants are now responsible for 25% of births. What are you doing, you slackers? Look, it’s perfectly simple: while you guys are busy pining for the time when half the globe was a British colony and grime music hadn’t been invented, us foreigners are busy seducing the natives (and each other), birthing half-citizen babies and contributing to the crisis in primary school places.

If you want your country back, if you want to return to the “good old days”, you need to start having more babies. A future generation that will do away with the need for weirdo people from far away to staff your hospitals, pick your crops, man your pubs and issue your parking tickets. Granted, this is something the Nazis tried to do, and yes, it does mean that some British women who are currently not interested in having children may have to set aside their preferences for the greater good, but you are doing this to keep Britain white, dammit!

So, patriotic Britons, get to the baby-making. Make sure you check your co-parent’s lineage first, though, to ensure their family is listed in the Domesday Book. Outbreed the immigrant hordes, and soon the United Kingdom will once again be a land where Factor 30 sunscreen is not just a necessity but a sacrament. To inspire you, I’ll play you out with this inspirational track from one of your former colonies:


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A Woman is Not Like an Extra Limb

Posted by Hussyville on May 16, 2010

For some reason, I am incredibly pissed off at the opening lines of Elizabeth Day’s piece on what is in store for Samantha Cameron as Britain’s new first lady. In fact, I am pissed off in general at the idea that just because your husband has had the madcap idea of becoming a politician that a wife is supposed to drop everything the minute he achieves any prominence.

I fell in love with the Lib Dem campaign when Miriam, Nick Clegg’s wife, decided that she was too busy to do any campaigning with him and was going to carry on being an international lawyer instead. Rock on with your bad self, Miriam! SamCam, on the other hand, could apparently continue being creative director of chi-chi stationers/handbag merchants Smythsons while obliging the media with appearances on the campaign trail, and even doing a video piece telling us why we should vote for her bum-faced husband as our next prime minister. Sarah Brown, long having given up her career as a high-powered PR to be poor old Gordon’s helpmeet, was also very much on the campaign trail in her husband’s doomed attempt to hang on to power.

What I find so irritating is the idea that the moment a man acquires any power, his wife must drop everything and “support” him. Any desires or ambitions she may have harboured automatically fall by the wayside as she is co-opted into the wider entourage that surrounds her politico husband. It consigns women to an accessory, an afterthought. It implies that whatever she was doing beforehand just wasn’t important. The minute her husband is even vaguely important, suddenly what she wants just isn’t important any longer.

On the one hand, of course life is going to change when your husband becomes head of a government. On the other, why must your life change so dramatically? Why must SamCam quit her job? There are not that many times when she will be needed to make up the numbers at state dinners (which are outside normal work hours anyway), and regulations could easily be put in place to make sure that her employers didn’t benefit from her very direct relationship with the seat of power. He already has a staff who are able to cater to his needs, so what exactly is the wife expected to do?

This stinks. It looks to me like unpaid work, the reason why women who stay at home are undervalued and disparaged when the MRA crowd get going. If society really expects a woman (or man; hello, Dennis Thatcher) to drop everything in deference to their politically-minded spouses career, I reckon that requires a formal post and job description. And with that, a commensurate salary. You want the wifey role filled? Then pay up.

I just hope Miriam Clegg keeps on keeping on.

[Image via the Guardian]

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